I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
