Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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