Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
