it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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