I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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