I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize