May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
