I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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