do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im about as happy as oj after his trial
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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