Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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