69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
