How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
