Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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