My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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