I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
