yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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