woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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