You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
