I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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