Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize