He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
