I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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