it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
