If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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