We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
