Kiss
Puke
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
