do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
