You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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