Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
