I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
