yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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