If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
