Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
