Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
