Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she smelled like a LAN party
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
