we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
