There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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