So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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