I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Enjoy the penises
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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