I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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