Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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