I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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