Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
