I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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