if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
