Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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