i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
More tranny stories later!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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