and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
