After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
