Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
