there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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