Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
