Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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