Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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