Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
