I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
