btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
