and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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