It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
