Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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