his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize