Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
