did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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