So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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