Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
