yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize