a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
