At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
