you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
